The prisoner in me.

I have so many questions running in my head right now, keeping myself awake in the middle of the night. tossing and turning in my bed. I chose to blog instead...

1. Have you ever felt being sort of a prisoner at home? I somehow feel it yet with no inmates to be with.  The feeling of chasing the outside world but ended up staring the screen at your laptop. The time when all you wanted was to make things on your own with no one on your side with the ecstatic feeling of accomplishment. getting out from the box whenever I want to, but a time table is always needed and geographically undesirable I have. How come I can't simply do these things? all guards up whenever I want to make things possible, All eyes on my moves. All things are so unreachable.  To be friends with independence is all I've wanted to live for. 

2.I asked myself, Can I still do this.. A thing we called gift became extraordinary these past days we spent together. Is this still tolerable? obviously, we pushed ourselves to the limit where everyone got involved in the situation. At all times, I had one thinking in my mind-- to end everything we had and to start to live our own lives. yet you know me too well, looking in your eyes is unbearable. The sparky feeling and all of my unwell thoughts melted and kissed my breath away. But the whole thing doesn't stop there, how long are we going to patch every unsolved issues we have? the attitude we acted to each other? and the chance to step up to a better company we will have in the future.  

 Sometimes I'm praying for the earth to open up and swallow me alive. I don't know when can these be all answered. But with God's hope, In time Better and Brighter plans ahead for me. 


Screw up my dramas, and Thank you for sparing time to read my rants. God Bless!